A Good Man is Hard to Find

When employers want to engage a new partner to work with, they interview them, read resumes, and get and check references. They ask many questions that will help them understand their qualities, character, and reliability, as well as how they might respond in a crisis, or conduct themselves in tough situations. The new hire is given a three to six-month term before they receive all acceptance and benefits, and then they do what it takes to comply with the terms of their engagement.

Why isn’t there a similar process when choosing a life partner to protect and care for us and father our children? It seems that many of us fall for sweet words, attention, and acts of kindness, and profess love, then we give them the job of being our partners as long as they behave well right up to the commitment of sharing a life, but after they get it, they stop trying to impress us, do what they want, and seem to expect that they are the boss, and things have to be done their way. I think women need to do more research before jumping into committed relationships. In years gone by, there were long engagements where couples got more experience about what it would be like in the future after they settled in, got used to each other, had and solved arguments, and experienced the dynamics of their two personalities. Many engagements lasted a full year. This gave couples time to plan the marriage before they planned the wedding.

Let’s get some ideas of how we can plan a marriage during engagements, pre-commitments, or other commitments. Some of you may have excellent ideas of what is important in knowing the man you found. Here are a few I thought of. There are things that can destroy relationships.

1. Watch closely how he treats the females in their family, (that is how you can expect to be treated.)

2. Observe how their mothers treat them, she’s going to be your mother-in-law. Does she baby him? Tell him what to do all the time. Think he walks on water? Do things he’s capable of doing himself. Rely on him for herself. Pressure him to do things with family without you more than with you? Think she knows everything about raising children yet enabled her own to be entitled around her. Is his father equal or subservient to his mother? Mothers- in- law can come between you if your husband isn’t strong enough to set boundaries. How are things between her and you? Fake comfortable or questionable? Does she treat you well or avoid conversations? When talking to her son, does she refer to you by name? Or does she just say “her”

3. How close to his parents will you live, and who decides where to live, him or his family?

4. If these little things aren’t communicated and discussed as a couple about what should happen, watch out. (As a word of advice I suggest if a mother-in-law tries to tell you what to do, you consistently say, “Thanks, your son and I will discuss it and see if that will work for us.”

First and foremost, healthy relationships thrive on open and honest communication. Effective communication is the foundation where love and connection are built. Listening, expressing oneself honestly and respectfully, and being receptive to feedback are all extremely important to learn valuable information we need women. Self-care, and improving communication skills can keep you in charge of yourself rather than give yourself up because you love someone else. Being assertive and learning conflict- resolution skills give us the ability to make better relationships. We need to nurture trust and respect, the pillars that hold a relationship together. Trust comes from reliability, consistency, accountability, and honesty. Expect that of yourself and in your relationships, that confidence will you face your partner. Relationships are strong partnerships with many benefits. Successful partnerships require equal effort and input.

Do you really know the person behind the veil of love? You want to know, before It’s too late, trust me. How can you better learn how to figure this out BEFORE you commit? In this blog, women can get together to discuss these topics and help each other learn who they are letting into their lives. Healthy relationships require time and effort. Just like a plant needs nourishment to grow, relationships need regular care and attention. Learn to understand the importance of setting boundaries that can help you maintain self-value. Relationships come with expectations, we want to be someone’s partner, not their free employee, and certainly not their possession. If we aren’t being nourished, in our relationship, like a dry plant, it doesn’t take long to deteriorate and die. Building healthy relationships is a lifelong journey. It requires nurturing, self-reflection, introspection, and a willingness to grow and change.

Do you have tips that can help women make better choices in relationships? Post them here in the comments.

Lauraina Bashir