June 2024,
Diagnosing us with mental health issues for having emotions is a way gaslighters tear down our credibility.
https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/relationships/g39041313/gaslighting-phrases/?
1. You’re crazy/you have mental health issues/you need help.
What it means: You’re attempting to hold me accountable for my behavior. I’d rather you question your own sanity so you believe that the problem is really you, rather than me I’ll never have to take responsibility for changing my own ways of thinking and behaving.
2. You’re insecure or jealous. What it means: I’m making you insecure so if you doubt your confidence then if you dare to question me, I can put you in your place. I’ll be sure to put you back in your place and show you it’s not me who is lying, but you who, in fear of losing me, are jealous and insecure.
3. You’re too sensitive/you’re overreacting.
What it means: I am insensitive, callous, and have no empathy for you. I do not care about how you feel unless it affects ME.
4. It was just a joke. What it means: I love calling my behavior a joke. I like calling you names, putting you down, and making you feel defective so I can laugh at you so I don’t need to apologize and you look like you have no sense of humor
5. Why are you bringing this up? What it means: I don’t want to discuss it because I have more and I don’t want you to see that I’ll continue to do this regularly.
6. You’re the problem here, not me. What it means: I am the problem, but I’ll be damned if I let you know it! Rant away, tire yourself out because I’m entitled to continue and you’ll waste your time trying to fix yourself and leave me alone. Now you believe that you are at fault and question yourself rather than blame me.
7. You’re imagining things. What it means: I’m making you question what I did or said so it puts your memories in doubt. You’ll wonder if you’re going crazy instead of looking for something that proves I am an abuser.
Women who aren’t always physically abused are still emotionally abused, and gaslighting is how they try to keep control. To resist gaslighting, get in touch with your own reality and prevent yourself from getting trapped in self-doubt. Get out of conversations before they escalate into these accusations. Get in touch with how you feel about the way someone is treating you, rather than getting stuck in their agenda of trying to get you to doubt yourself. Take some space, and write things down as they happen as they happen, when THEY tell you what happened you have it in writing. This is why I journaled every day. I also saved text messages, voicemails, and audio recordings on my phone to help me with so many incidents. He was not going to rewrite my reality, and I didn’t have to accept his twisted truth. gaslighting methods at the beginning of this post.
What have you experienced and how have you handled a gaslighter? Post them here in the comments.
Lauraina Bashir